I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
