theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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