I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
