You're completely useless in the revolution.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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