my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
