Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
