see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
