hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
