I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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