I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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