i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
