believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
