I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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