i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
