He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
