i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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