Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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