i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
