Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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