Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I forgot wine drunk hurts
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize