He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
