I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
