32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she smelled like a LAN party
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Alive.
So much puke
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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