I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize