Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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