I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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