Where is the hickey?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
