are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
