I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize