im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
