I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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