Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
