He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
