Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
