So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
