you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
