Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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