I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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