I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we're making bets on your personal life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
