where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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