How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
