I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
