Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
