He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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