fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
