I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
