dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize