i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
