Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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