My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
