What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
