Even the bartender felt bad for me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
