Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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