so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize