my phone cant type all the emotion im having
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
