yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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