woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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