I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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