how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
