is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
