Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
