I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
