I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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