So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
