yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There r osticjed everywhere
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
