She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
