i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
