Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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