My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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