you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
