is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
